Brain versus Tummy

I've been sooo busy recently and my mind has been on too many things, that I've sometimes forgot to do basic stuff like live...eat...sleep!

Take yesterday for example, or the day before that...

I got up at 7.30am, got ready, started doing work, blah blah and before I realise its 4.30pm

Brain: I haven't eaten today have I? this is bad....
Tummy: Nah I dont fancy food
Conscience: We got work to do instead
Brain: dudes, you have to eat! *I* have to eat
Tummy: Well I am kinda empty...
Anxiety: You have like 6 deadlines in the next month, you dont have time to eat you dodo, Fingers go type about the European Work Directive pronto
Fingers: We cant!....we can't think
Brain: Leave the thinking to me!! its 4.30pm I need fuuuuud!

Eventually after about 10 minutes debating with myself....
Conscience: Fine lets do it, it cant be healthy otherwise, the body needs food...even if I personally don't need food, I would feel totally bad if Brain were to die on me...
Brain: Thats good to know given without me, you would not exist!
Conscience: *muttering to self* Brain thinks she's soo clever, stupid arrogant...
Brain: Tummy you in?
Tummy: do I have to??....pah


So it seems that I am soo busy that my *I* have to tell my TUMMY its time to eat! its the wrong way around I know. And the other day for example, I had lunch with the housemate at Wagamamas....yeah great idea!


When the god of all dishes first came (tama rice), my eyes seemed a little disappointed and were like "ooh whats that dark stuff over there? is that normal?", my brain was like "good choice....rice is a good source of energy", my tummy was like "hmmmm not bad, could take it or leave it" and my mouth was like "yeaaaaah thats the stuff"

So I just ate, come 20 minutes later...

Tummy: Stop! I can't take anymore!
Brain: You can do this! You can finish! We dont wanna waste food!
Conscience: but we are done and overeating causes stretchi...
Tummy: StretchinG!!!!!
Skin: OMG!
Butt: OMG OMG OMG OMG!!! DUDE STOP NOW!

Tummy (Screaming): no no no no no!
Mouth: yummmm...mooooooore!
Brain: go go go go go!
Conscience: stop Brain stop!

*Brain sending signals to arms and hands to put food in mouth*

Hands/arms/fingers: Caaaannn't stop! Brain controlling movements! cannnnn't stoooooopp! must move!

...and it seems like every single body part is arguing with itself!! and my overall self is like "What the hell is going on! Just get on why don't you!!"

So it seems I am having these little mini arguments with myself like everyday! I don't get it! I am sure this is a serious sign of madness...

XOXO

Men: How to be attractive to Women

Men: How to be attractive to Women

So according to this dude, being attractive is quite easy...there are four key steps and if you do it, girls will be instantly attracted to you...oh and apparantly 'attraction is NOT A CHOICE' (!!!???)

Step 1: You should come preselected by other women - ie basically you should have female friends to be near you and hang off your arm

Step 2: You should be a leader of men - not like Ceasar or Moses or anything...You just have to show that your male friends semi respect you or that you are popular...

Step 3: Be a protector of loved ones - of your friends and family...this kinda fits into steps 1 and 2 which is 'have friends male and female who you like enough to stand up for'...so far its looking pretty simple huh?

Step 4: Have a willingness to emote - according to this dude, it means show that you are 'normal' and therefore get pissed off when someone spills their drink all over you....


So there you have it.....Have friends both male and female who you like and who like you....and dont be a psycho and have normal brain functioning...4 steps to GUARANTEED attraction.
......and apparantly because of evolution...if they work and I am uber attracted to you, then I will revert to an ape like state and start itching myself so that you think I have nits and want to groom me....because thats how mating works, isn't it?

XOXO

Introducing Cheesepuff the hamster!

My little sister got a hamster for her birthday and when I went home I decided to do a little bit of sister, sister, hamster bonding....hes really cute....like really really cute....


See look at those little whiskers and cute ears and adorable eyes!!! He makes a girl go weak and slushy in a way a man never could. Innocent, cute, pure, googly eyes! My sister decided to call him Cheesepuff because she fed him a little bit of cheese and he really seems to love it...not to mention, he's a puffy ball of fluff...so cheesepuff just kinda stuck

After a few hours we felt it was only right that Cheesepuff was introduced to the rest of the family....I am sure that secretly he was thinking 'If I stay still long enough, no-one will notice me and I won't ever have to go back inside my cage again!!'...wahey...freedom!


Eventually Cheesepuff got a little bored of the miniture toys and realised his cheap ploy to go undetected will not work on such a clever family, so he ventured round the rest of 'le famille' home...and oh look!! Barbie!!!....


Yeah.....thats Cheesepuff taking advantage of Barbie all right...I could insert a rude joke here playing on cheesepuffs name and the region of Barbie in which he became interested....I know several males who can think of way wittier comments for this picture than me.....but you see, I'm just not that kinda girl....

In case you're wondering, I've confiscated Barbie, I don't think shes a very good influence on our cute Cheesepuff

I like my hamsters cute and innocent thank you very much

XOXO

The rules to the London Underground...yeah there are rules!!

So I was back in London at the weekend taking my usual train journey back home, when some people did several things that I must say annoyed me a little.
Theres a certain system to travelling in London...certain rules that people should abide to...it doesnt take a genius to work them out, I mean just look at everyone else and you will get the gist...yaa as a Londoner we pride ourselves on being totally original, unique and therefore we can wear what we like and do what we like and no-one would look twice and we would not care...(but this isn't Camden!!.. and you can't do what you like, and other people do look twice and you should care...on the underground at least)

So, I feel its my duty as an upstanding citizen of the United Kingdom and of high moral character to highlight these rules...

Rule #1: If you don't know me, don't talk to me.... train time is quiet time...unless you have a specific purpose that isn't to 'just chat'...like if you are lost and want to know whether the train is going via bank or via charing cross - I love helping lost people...what i don't like is strangers talking to me for the sake of it and asking where I live, Duh!

Rule #2: Singing to your Ipod is NOT cool...really...in your head you are hearing Mariah....in my head I am begging for the train to hurry

Rule #3: Don't eat smelly food or fart on the train...(although I have to admit I am guilty of this one myself; the smelly food not the farting...sometimes theres just no other convenient time to eat....as long as you don't touch anything with your hands...)

Rule #4: You stare at me and I WILL stare twice as hard

Rule #5: I know you have a mobile phone...I have one too....but I don't want to hear you playing your whole catalogue of ringtones and I don't want to hear the conversation about how you argued with your sisters boyfriend because he was too naughty for his own good

Rule #6: Public Displays of Affection (PDA's) are for hotel rooms...not trains

and very a very important rule for when in the underground but not on the trains..

Rule #7: When on the escalators, you STAND on the right and WALK on the left....this one is pretty obvious..and yet you can always tell a tourist because they think you can stand and chat away in pairs on the escalator and don't realise that when they are standing on the left, no-one is standing in front of them and there is a growing queue of annoyed looking Londoners standing behind them....but there is a system...a SYSTEM. if you are in a rush you WALK on the LEFT and to get there twice as fast...the RIGHT hand side is for people that have all the time in the world and 'like' the ride and therefore stand STILL....ok?...glad that was agreed!

So hey presto, the rules of the underground. :) If I have missed any you can scream at me in your own time...otherwise a comment is more humane

....Oh and although I havn't seen any enforcement of these rules in the underground I did happen to see this sign at a bus stop on the way home...The text at the bottom says "A little thought from each of us, A big difference for everyone"
....ya ya my sentiments precisely

XOXO